My Youtube Experience

The truth about Youtube... HAHAHAHA so dramatic! 

If you are reading this, you probably know me because of my youtube channel. Let me just say that I love making videos on youtube; its given me an outlet to speak my thoughts and have a conversation about things I'm interested in. Its also helped with my confidence and with each passing video, I think you can notice that growing confidence.

But, I do have some issues. Now the 'anime community' (I think anything with the word 'community' on the end of it is totally CRINGE)  is structured on youtube. 

People generally review the 'bigger'  mangas because that is what most people want to watch and read. Now I have no issue with this at all; on youtube, I review Naruto and Bleach chapters because that is what I read on a regular basis, its what a lot of people read on a regular basis and the content of those manga chapters are things that you can discuss with other people (i.e discussing who Tobi was, will Aizen come back ect). There is no point with me reviewing a Kimi ni Todoke chapter, when majority of the chapter is cute fluff leading up to the big kiss with Sawako and Kazehaya ( SO CUTE!!!).

Back on track, I love to discuss Naruto and Bleach but here's my problem. Because I'm not a big youtuber, if I dont post my video within a certain timeframe after the chapters are released, people generally do not watch my videos. That is not to say that I get no views, I do get a few hundred but when I post at a good time, I get a few thousand. Now people may read that and think ' She's only doing it to get the views, thats so fake' ect.  ( I hope I didn't come across as bitter here! Defo not my intention, just stating the facts) 

Of course I want my videos to do well! Why would I put something on youtube and be fine if it doesn't go over well?! I'm not asking for a million views here, but I do get frustrated that the amount of views has a close correlation to when I post a video. Chapters can come out at anytime during a Wednesday and I know I said in a previous post that I'm in a kind of limbo in my life but that does not mean I don't have anything to do (and this has only been recently) I can't just drop everything in my life and make a video the second a chapter comes out, because I'm not in uni atm I have to do things around the house, run errands for my mum or dad. That is highly frustrating and sometimes, I'm not in the right frame of mind to make a video that hour but by the time I've cheered my emo arse up its night time and that golden window of posting has gone. ( I'd like to think I am out of this limbo now, and still have the same view) 

Another thing is that I want to put effort into my videos, I don't like it when I turn on my camera, say some opinions, do some hasty editing and post a video. I want to be able to present my videos in a more interesting way; put a little more effort into the setting and the actual content. Two problems with that is, I'm not exactly sure how to execute that and I have a feeling it would take a bit of time. 

The reason I want to revamp my videos is because there are people on youtube that do manga chapter reviews and they sit down and talk just like I do (or I do it like them) but they do it much better than I do. I don't want to discuss the same chapters, in the same way, but my videos just arnt as good as theres are. There is no point, right. 

The only differences are: 

1.Our opinions, naturally reviewers are going to have different opinions about a chapter and I suppose this is the main reason people can watch different reviews of the same chapter. But lets face it, a typical person is not going to watch 5,6,7 different reviews of a chapter; you can only say so much about a 19 page chapter right?

2. I'm a female. To put it bluntly, a lot of people when searching for reviews may click my video because I'm a girl and its different. This is a very male dominated section of youtube and whilst there are other female reviewers, they are few. 

So I do want to shake things up on my channel. I also want to branch out a bit with my content. Like I said earlier, I have no qualms reviewing Naruto and Bleach and I think reviewing mangas like Kimi ni Todoke my get repetitive very fast. But I was thinking about reviewing Kuroko no Basket chapters because I LOVE that anime/manga, though sports mangas would be quite difficult to review.
I thought the reading club idea I had was a really good one, I just have yet to execute it, I will I promise!
But I also want to do videos on Homeland, because that has to be my favourite show right now. Anyway I'm derailing. 

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Wednesday 14th November 2012

Okay, I wrote the above some time ago and while some things have changed the main point of the post remains. But perhaps I should explain. I just want my videos to be the best they can be because, after all, my videos are what represent me on the internet.
I recently watched a video by the first person I found on the anime side of Youtube and it was all about reviewing and, I have to say, that video was spot on. To my long-time and 'loyal' viewers who tend to watch my videos no matter what, I thank you so much. I love the support you give me.
However, there is something that is not clicking in my videos. I feel like a lot of my videos are not engaging. Now, to be engaging is not to be over the top. Being over the top isn't my personality anyway.  I don't think my videos are triggering the passion I have for what I am talking about. I honestly love Anime, Manga, Politics, Homeland, but I feel that it isn't coming across as well as I would like in my videos and to be honest, for me, that is the main thing.
I think I  could deal with very little views and people not subscribing if my videos projected what I want them to project, you know? I'm not chasing being a Partner or getting deals with anyone, I just want to make videos that I am proud of and people can enjoy watching.
I hope this doesn't come across as cocky but I feel like I am more than what my videos are projecting
--
I think I've realised something, my 'passion' really comes out when I have someone to bounce off against, when I discuss Naruto, Bleach, Homeland or when I'm explaining political issues with my friends, I feel like people can really understand that I'm passionate about what I am talking about. Not sure how I can translate that to on camera, but we will see.

I think I'm going to wrap up this extremely long blog post, if you made it all the way to the end, I thank you and you are awesome!

Love ya!
Dannie xxxxxx 

Youtube Schedule.... For now

Confession.... I'm kinda OCD. I like order and schedules. Without them I feel like I end up wasting my entire day which makes me feel depressed. So, for a while now I've been dabbling with my new Youtube schedule and I finally feel brave enough to implement it. Now depending on response and my feelings, this timetable is subject to change. So I'm thinking of this week as a trial to see how it goes.
Without further ado, here is the schedule:

Monday: Homeland recap

Tuesday: Major issues dissected

Wednesday: Naruto & Bleach review

Thursday: Manga Reading Club

Friday: Beauty

Saturday: Vlog

Sunday: News roundup

Hopefully people will like the variety on my channel. I'm not saying that I'm going to do this forever but I'm just going to play around with my channel for a bit and see what works =)

Off to film my Homeland Recap -- I honestly feel like this show may be my favourite show.... evah!

Dannie x

Today, I Begin Again... Or not.

Thursday 4th October 2012

Today, I hope that I can tie up loose ends, cut off the negative aspects of my life and start again.
The first thing that entails is dropping out of university. Now this is quite possibly the hardest thing I have had to do because I've always wanted to go to university and there never seemed to be another option.
Go to school, get my A Levels, go to uni and get my degree; that is the way my life was supposed to go. Well I'm at uni and miserable. Its more than me being lazy and not trying; I've always liked to work and research and study independently  so in theory, uni should be a perfect match for me; but you know something is wrong when you have severe panic attacks before your lectures, you dread everything, you randomly burst out into tears throughout the day, your OCD goes through the roof and you wish you could just run away.
Does that sound like a positive experience to you? I didn't think so.
Coming home and telling my dad that I want to leave uni was one of the hardest things I had to do, he's always been my biggest supporter and worked so hard for me to go and here I am saying I want to leave! But honestly I couldn't possibly imagine myself staying there any longer.
I have a feeling that I chose the wrong university, and hopefully I will re-apply to some others soon. Its very difficult to not feel like I've failed or given up, but then I think back to how I felt when I was there and have to remind myself that it was not a healthy environment for me.
I have to stop worrying about what everyone around me is going to say when they find out and for me not to worry about how old I'm going to be when I finish uni because at the end of the day, this is my life and I have to take charge of it. I can't let these negative thoughts keep me from living my life; its happened in the past and I am determined to break that habit.
I have no clue what my future holds, but I am determined to be successful in which ever avenue I go down. This is a scary place for me to be in, I don't like not knowing what I'm going to do or what is my life is going to be like in the next few months. Starting over sounds like a breath of fresh air but its very scary, my anxiety level is so high right now. But hopefully, with some faith and hard work, I can pull through

-----
Okay, it is now the end of the day and I am totally frazzled. My sister came to talk to me and essentially told me all the negatives that decision comes with. The money that my dad worked SO HARD to get so I could go to university and here I am squandering it. Its very tempting to go back to my ways and hide, run away from all my problems. My mum also told me a similar thing. SO CONFUSED. Just want to cry =(
Its all well and good talking about starting over but actually doing it is a terrifying thing. Its so much more than just a state of mind
------
Everytime I think I can get my life on track, something brings me crashing down.
---
Wow cutting all negatives is so much harder than I thought.

Friday 5th October 2012

Okay so the ramblings above sounds like the manifesto of a crazy person. Needless to say, I'm in a very confusing place right now. I feel like there is so much pressure for me to go to uni its crazy! Its not that I don't want to go, its just that the one I went to was clearly not for me and I want to start over. But, I feel like everyone around me is rushing me into decisions, like, you have  to start again in January; this is important for us. What to do. I was meant to be the first one to go to uni and get a degree in my family; I personally want to get a degree more for my families sake than for mine. I know that it will be very beneficial for me for the future but this is a crazy amount of pressure.  
So I am sitting in my room, currently 5:15pm, at a standstill. What to do. I almost feel like it would be better for me to have no expectations from anyone, that way I could follow my own path, no one I have to please but myself and then surprise the hell out of everyone when I become successful. I wish.

I have realised that it is infinitely harder to mold your life to what you want it to be when everything around you stays the same. How could I expect change when nothing else has?

Thursday 18th October 2012

Do you ever have one of those moods where you feel like you're floating in limbo? You are neither here or there and you spend your entire day lying on your bed watching random Ellen videos on youtube? Well that was my day today; it is currently 7:08pm and I have done nothing with my day. I feel like I haven't done anything with my day for a while now.
Yesterday I woke up at 12:33, so that was half of my day gone already. I really wanted to make my regular Youtube videos about Bleach and Naruto but I really couldn't. I was in such a low mood and if I had made a video, it would have been super depressing to watch. I was also frustrated with my Youtube channel.
I want my channel to be something I can be proud of, I want to put in effort with my videos and content  but with the nature of the manga community on Youtube, I find it rather difficult. -- Actually this will be another blog post entirely, so look out for that.

It is very easy to find yourself stuck in a routine and every night before I go to bed I say to myself that tomorrow, I'm going to get up and do something about it. But before I know it, its 6pm and I have done shit all. I'm stuck.
I feel like I need some sort of end goal or general direction of where I'm heading; if I have that at least I could focus on something instead of constantly floating like I'm doing now.
I'm 19 for eff sake! I should be out there loving life! Not hibernating in my room. I know something needs to change but I'm not sure how to go about it. Do I get a job? -- But I don't know when I'll be going back to uni. Going out with friends-- not really an option as 99% are at uni and the other 1% don't live in the country. I suppose a part time job might do the trick, if I'm lucky enough to find one that is.

Anyway, I'm signing off on this post, finally, and going to start writing my Youtube one.

Love ya! 

Much love xxx

Dreamer and Starting Over

I had a dream last night. I don't get dreams often but when I do they are often rather morbid (usually something involving death :/ ) but this was something else entirely.
In this dream my life was hectic, things were falling apart all around me. People I thought were my friends stabbed me in the back; university was not going well; family was falling apart and to top it all off, I was sick! 
Now this part of the dream, I will admit closely reflects how my life is going now; it is difficult for me to admit, but its the truth. 
But, the next part is what makes this dream so special for me. Just when I'm about to give up with all the crap around me, a guy comes up to me and hugs me. Now in my dream I know this guy and he's a good and reliable friend. He's tall and stoic and just by judging by his looks, you would assume that he would be quite scary, but once you know him a bit you realize how that is not the case at all. 
At first the hug is a quick hello hug and we quickly break apart but throughout the dream he keeps hugging me and every time we are about to break apart, I am reluctant to, so we keep hugging. 
Then my bloody alarm clock goes off! I quickly switch it off and try to doze off again, in hopes of my dream continuing. Alas is doesn't.
I'm so upset that my dream doesn't continue but at the same time I'm so happy that I had it at all.
The idea of a guy hugging me is an alien thought to me, it has never happened to me. Super embarrassing to admit but whatever, the fact is, it hasn't. The dream made me realize how nice it would be to be held by someone; someone who cares for me
---

Okay so its been a day since I wrote this and I am CRINGING! Wow was I emotional or what?! But I suppose I stand by what I said. It would be nice but now that I have some clarity, I am not going to depend my happiness on a guy, do not worry!
But it would be nice to feel that I'm not totally alone during a difficult time in my life.
So I have decided to blog away my troubles, well at least document my journey. I'm doing this for a few reasons: 1) Even if no-one reads this blog at least I can feel like I am reaching out to somebody and maybe somebody would care enough to read it 2) I have a tendency to hide away and collapse into myself when I am stressed or when things go wrong; if I blog, I am putting myself out there and would be much harder for me to give up.

This dreamer is on a journey to get her life back! Wish me luck

Dannie x

Naruto Chapter 554

I have mixed feelings on this chapter
Firstly, I had no idea what would happen in this chapter, I tend to take chapters as it is; never really think about what would happen next. So with that said, I wasn't too upset with the lack of Sasuke in this chapter. Sasuke is the person that will move the plot along and I had a feeling that Kishi would want to draw out this arc as long as possible 


Next, I feel that some parts of this arc are just too bloody random. Kishi revives these 'amazing' shinobi that gets everyone piss scared only for them to get owned in a chapter. 
This time, que the third Raikage. Now he's different. He ACTUALLY is piss strong. Still bloody random, but really strong. Strong enough to withstand the Rasen-Shuriken and the 8 tails. Problem: If someone is effing strong you think SOMEONE would have mentioned him before; Bee, A, anyone! You think it would be relevant you know. But never mind.


I thought that the battle between the Raikage and Naruto was interesting enough. I'm quite happy that Naruto is firmly back in action 

But something stupid: Why on earth did the ninja set up an Earth Style wall when Lightening owns Earth? Nevermind 


Chapter ends with what looks like the tailed beast ball, lets see what Kishi has instore next week ^_^


Much Love
Dannie x 

Manga Reading Club? One Piece!

Hey everyone! 
I made a video on this topic but editing it has been a nightmare! So I thought I'd use this newly formed blog as a platform to get this message across =) 
Recently I've seen some comments on my YT channel for me to start talking about One Piece. And to be very honest with you, I have never seen or read One Piece ever. You want to know why? It looks like utter shit. I know it has a large following, its just that it doesn't appeal to me at all! Maybe its the art style or maybe it has to do with the fact that its about bloody pirates. 
Pirates are not my cup of tea, unless you count Captain Jack Sparrow, and let me tell you, Luffy is not Captain Jack. 


But I thought that I may give One Piece a shot, I mean watching one episode or reading one chapter isn't going to kill me. But still the thought of enduring pirates is rather disturbing, I'd much rather have someone endure it with me. Then some kind of imaginary light bulb lit up in my head (ew, SO cliche) what about a series in which we endure ugly pirates together? Hear me out, so we all pick a manga to read (or anime to watch) and we read up to a certain point a week, then I make a video discussing what went down in that section; in the video I'd include the thoughts of the members of the manga club. 


How does that sound? Doesn't have to be One Piece, I'd probably prefer it if it wasn't to be very honest with you all. But you never know, I may end up falling in love with it. 

Ok, probably not 

Much love 

Dannie x 

*Virgin Blogger*

Hello there ^_^
Firstly 
WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG =D
I've always wanted to try out a blog so here it is. I was always too afraid to try out blogging but my confidence gained a little boost from my new Youtube channel so I thought 'what the heck' blogging is an easier way of getting opinions across in a more eloquent fashion than youtube, in my personal opinion. 
Well this is an obligatory boring introduction post but I promise it will become more interesting. 
I have a feeling I'll blog more than I post videos on youtube so stay tuned ^_^


Much Love 
Dannie x